Secret Marriages

Are secret marriages allowed? Like at universities where girls or boys marry without parental consent, knowledge or approval?

The word used in the question, `secret’, is anathema to the concept of marriage which is a relationship built to secure peace, happiness and tranquillity. There are many rights and obligations resulting from agreement of marriage. These include the honour and integrity of the woman concerned, her family and relations and most importantly, offspring. In so many instances, even with use of precautions, women get pregnant. How can they face this situation? Where lies the blame? And what if the young couple tire of one another after taking what they want from one another? Who loses in such situations? That is why Muslim scholars frown upon secretive arrangements even though other basic formalities were satisfied. They argue that the Shari’ah has made it mandatory to publicise marriage in every available way. They quote a number of statements of the Prophet(SAW) to that effect. For example the statement, “There is no valid marriage without a guardian and two witnesses. Any arrangement short of that is invalid, invalid, invalid.” Another statement quoted by the Hanafi texts, “Any marriage not attended by four people is not a marriage, it is a fornication. They are: the suitors, the guardian and two witnesses.”

Scholars differentiate between two types of what is known as common marriage. Common, here, stands in contrast to well documented marriage. The first is when marriage takes place without being officially recorded. But it takes place within the family, is known among the friends and neighbours but for other reasons it is not registered. Maybe the couple are drawing unmarried benefits or whatever. This is an acceptable religious marriage even though there are unethical motives behind it.

The other type is exactly the one referred to in the question. When the two parties agree to keep it secret. They ask two friends to witness the marriage with the understanding that they do not talk about it. And they did not, I repeat, they did not register it. This does not amount to a secure, tranquil marriage. It is simply satisfying their physical need. The comment of a scholar, who was a judge before taking the chair of the Islamic Shari’ah in the Faculty of Law, Cairo University, is that “We do not condone, nor accept such an arrangement. It is far from the real concept of marriage. Families and girls’ honour should not be treated so flippantly. In my life as a judge I came across so many miserable, depressing cases resulting in acrimonious disputes. Allah’s Shari’ah has to be respectfully followed. Any so called legal fictions in this particular matter must be shunned.”

And Allah says the Truth and guides to the right way.

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“Guardianship in Marriage” by Sheikh Darsh Available from Amanah Publications FAO Ashfaq Ali, 841 Barkerend Road, Bradford, BD3 8QJ

Can Parents Play the Race Card?

Can a parent refuse a proposal from a good Muslim for his daughter on the basis that the suitor is not of the same race/caste?

There is no concept of caste in Islam. Racial background is a fact of life. The Qur’an considers the difference of race, colour or language as signs of the creative ability of Allah: “And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and earth and the difference of your language and colours. Lo! Here indeed are signs for men of knowledge.”(Ar-Rum:22).

In chapter 49, verse 13 is the most universal doctrine of human equality and brotherhood: “Oh humankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and then rendered you into nations and tribes so that you might know one another. Indeed the most honourable among you in the sight of Allah is he who is most pious.”

There is a wealth of ahadith quoted by Al-Qurtubi in his commentary on this Qur’anic verse where the messenger of Allah condemned outright any racial impact on the Islamic society. For the very reason we come across many examples of people who, from a racial view, were not considered equal to Arab women marrying among the high tribal class. Bilal married the sister of AbdurRahman ibn Awf. Zayd was married to one of the noble ladies of the tribe of Quraysh and so on.

But customs die hard and no sooner are they abolished, they start to reappear again. Salman al-Farsi proposed to the daughter of Umar, the khalifa. He accepted. His knowledgeable, pious son and great companion of the Prophet(SAW) was upset. He complained to Amr ibn Al-Aas. Amr said, “Leave it to me and I will get him to retract from that.” When Amr met Salman he said to him, “Congratulations. It came to my knowledge that the Commander of the Faithful humbled himself and accepted to give you his daughter in marriage.” Salman felt slighted by this and thought and retorted, “By Allah, I will never accept to marry his daughter!”

Al-Hajjaj, the brute of the Ummayyad era married the daughter of Muhammad ibn Ja’far, Abdul Malik, the Ummayyad king was furious. He said to Muhammad, “You gave one of the noble of Qurayshite women to a slave from Thaqif!” and he ordered Al-Hajjaj to divorce her.

So this social attitude is very difficult to abolish outright. It does not make a difference whether the parents are well educated or unlettered. In the new environment of living in Britain the situation may ease gradually. However, young educated people who find themselves locked in such situations have to be patient to advance their case. Failing that, I would advise them to read my article, “Guardianship in Marriage’.

Help I want to get Married!!!

Help! I want to get married…
(by Muslim-mum)


That’s what you hear from a lot of singletons at the moment. Where do you look for your Mr/Miss Right; Soul-mate; other half…whatever you may want to call them. Let’s face it – getting hitched is a hot topic in cosy front rooms; internet forums and even blogs like this!

It’s no longer the Aunty two doors down from you or your Uncle (who is your related to your grandfather’s mother’s cousin) that is matchmaking.

No, there is a new phenomenon. Guess where matchmaking occurs now? Personal ads, chat rooms, marriage sites and marriage events. These services can offer every age, race, sex, lifestyle and you can virtually special-order Miss Right from an endless spectrum of choices.

It eventually occurs to some people who haven’t a clue where to look, that potential wifey does not know your address or your mum’s phone number and therefore won’t be making any appearance on your doorstep anytime some, (despite your PHD and BMW parked in the driveway).

What’s quite disturbing and I hope you noticed this, is the number of so-called halal-based marriage events and web sites which have been set up since the explosion of the internet.

Every Tom, Dick and Hamzah is jumping on the band wagon hoping to offer their expert nuptual strategy for you to meet your darling “other half” and not forgetting them making a quick buck along the way just so that it keeps them motivated to do "their bit for the Ummah" so to speak.

Moving on to the subject of cost and this is where the real exploitation seems to occur. Ticket prices of events for example, are known to be in the region of £25.00 to a whopping £56.00. For the latter, I would be expecting a Michelin-standard meal in the West End. But no, it’s some naff restaurant off the Wilmslow Road offering a 3 course meal….

Organisers of events and websites (who provide matrimonial services) would argue that they have to cover overhead costs and pay themselves some sort of salary to live on. Let’s be realistic or even SANE, these types of business are a side-line to these people and not necessarily a means of running their household. And if I am wrong, they must be raking it in judging by the number of absolutely desperate people who want to settle down. I guess they would pay anything to meet a muslimah or two.

If muslims really want to help out their own muslim brothers and sisters, these services would be free – using money raised through fundraising or from their own pocket. I know I would!

Who cares about a meal? Why waste time and money…let’s get down to the crux of meeting people. It’s almost like these organisers are out of touch with what people want. Brothers and Sisters, let us remind them – you just want someone to marry. A cuppa tea and hot samosa will suffice.

Lets be frank here – the real focus of their attention is money…

…£, $, € seems to be their distraction.

Oh let’s not forget to give one final re-mention to these marriage websites…might aswell have a good dig at them now we are on a roll here…

Claiming to be halal; success stories being plastered all over their homepages to show how “what a great service we provide,” it dawned me that there are naïve sisters and brothers out there who are being sucked into a nasty world of dating; casual sex; free-mixing and all things un-islamic.

Islam places two responsibilities on to man, (1) as the “individual” and (2) as “group”. In regards to the responsibility of the individual, he takes responsibility for his own self:

"And if Allah wills He would certainly make you a single nation, but He causes to err whom He wills and guides whom He wills; and most certainly you will be questioned as to what you did." (15:93)

"Nay! man is evidence against himself. Though he puts forth his excuses." (75:14-15)

The above verse makes reference to man being responsible before Allah (swt) for his own speech, deeds and behavior. Man will be judged on the Day of Resurrection. Man is responsible for his own actions – did he exploit these to boost himself and his worldly interests. Man has been given intellect and how he has used this intellect – whether misdirected, deceiving others, or using corrupt practices.

For those that are genuine in their search, they face an uphill struggle to find that special one. Where the community; elders and even the Imaams at the masaajids have let them down, there leaves a big gaping hole where scrupulous muslims under the guise of “helping the Ummah”, are ready to plug that hole and tap into a market which is forever growing. (A credit crunch isn’t going to stop people wanting to get married).

According to my calculations, this problem isn’t going to go away any time soon and so I must stress my intent here is to enlighten, not to patronise those who go to great lengths to help our fellow muslim brothers and sisters. Your gallant efforts and unbridled enthusiasm are genuinely appreciated – although you can hear the hint of sarcasm in what I am saying.

On a final note, these singletons have yet to experience the busy suburban housewife and a husband who hates his job syndrome…but then that’s another story.