Sunday, May 30, 2010


All praise is due to Allah, the One Who says:
[And do not come near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. ]
(Al-Israa 17:32)

And peace and blessings be upon His slave and Messenger Muhammad, who said, "When a man commits fornication, faith departs from him and there is something like a canvas roof over his head; and when he quits that action, faith returns to him"
(Abu Dawud 40:4673).

Undoubtedly, all Muslims are aware of the prohibition of adultery and fornication. However, many of us live in a Western society where this crime has become widespread and commonly accepted. This crime has even crept into some Muslim homes to the extent that we find some who are proud to see their son entering the house with a girl accompanying him.

This article will define adultery and fornication in Islam; it will discuss the punishment for them and the status of ones marriage to one who commits either of them; and it will advise how to repent and how to protect yourself from them.

In todays English, unlawful sexual intercourse by a married person is called adultery; sexual intercourse by an unmarried person is called fornication.

Unlike English, Arabic has only one word for both cases; zina.

Throughout the history of religions, zina always has been prohibited; however, its prohibition is more emphatic and forceful in Islam.
Zina is regarded as one of the gravest of all the major sins.
Over fourteen hundred years ago, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) prophesied that among the signs of the Day of Judgment is the prevalence of illegal sexual intercourse.

Anas ibn Malik reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying, "It is from the conditions of the Last Hour that knowledge would be taken away and ignorance would prevail (upon the world), liquor would be drunk, and adultery would become rampant" (Muslim 34:6451).

Prophet Muhammad viewed zina as a serious crime. It is reported that Allahs Messenger ordered that an unmarried man who committed illegal sexual intercourse be scourged one hundred lashes and sent into exile for one year (Al-Bukhari 3:48 817).

A person has committed zina if he or she voluntarily and deliberately performs sexual intercourse with other than his or her spouse. The act of zina has taken place when the man's sexual organ has been inserted inside the woman's , regardless of the number of times or whether contraception was used, such as a condom or separator between the consenting adults' organs.

Proving Zina

The testimony to the act of four reliable and pious men, each of whom must testify that he actually saw the man's sexual organ inserted inside the woman's.

This stringent condition is to protect innocent Muslims and to block the road for those who want to spread evil among the Muslim society.

If a woman who is not married is found pregnant.
Punishment for Zina in This Life
There are definite prescribed punishments known as hadd (plural: hudud), which have been mentioned in the Quran and the Sunnah concerning those who engage in the criminal act.

The following conditions must be fulfilled before the hadd is applied:
1. The offenders must be sane.
2. They must be Muslim.
3. They have reached the age of puberty.
4. They must be free and not slaves.
The Quranic injunctions with regards to those who commit zina were revealed in stages.

The wisdom behind this was to make these injunctions acceptable to the new converts to Islam who often engaged in zina during the days of Jahiliyah (ignorance).

The first revelation concerning the punishment of zina was that a woman guilty of zina was to be confined to her home until she died (An-Nisaa 4:15).

The second revelation covered both men and women and was not very specific regarding punishment:
[And as for the two who are guilty of indecency from among you, give them both a punishment; then if they repent and amend, turn aside from them; surely Allah is Oft-returning (to mercy), the Merciful.] (An-Nisaa 4:16)

Allah Almighty then revealed:
[(As for) the fornicatress and the fornicator, flog each of them, (giving) a hundred stripes, and let not pity for them detain you in the matter of obedience to Allah and the last day.] (An-Nur 24:2)

Know that punishment for this crime of zina acts as atonement for this sin. The idea behind the harsh and severe punishment does not contradict the spirit of Islam; it actually serves as a deterrent in society. It protects a person's family lineage and [prevents] the spread of moral decadence and disease in society.

When people realize the graveness of their sin, and that its punishment is most humiliating and painful, very few would dare to commit it.

Marriage to a Person Guilty of Zina

Marriage between two who are guilty of zina is permissible as per what Allah Almighty says:
[The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatress or idolatress, and (as for) the fornicatress, none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolater; and it is forbidden to the believers."] (An-Nur 24:3)

There is a difference of opinion among the scholars with regards to a chaste man marrying an adulteress who has not repented or vice versa. Some of them said that it is not lawful.

This is the opinion of Ali, Al-Baraa, Aishah, and Masud (may Allah be pleased with them all).

The majority of scholars, including Abu Bakr, Umar or Uthman, and Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them all), on the other hand, permitted marriage with an adulterer, adding however, that marriage to a chaste and pure person was more virtuous.


One might think that the only way a person guilty of zina can be forgiven is by undergoing the prescribed punishment (hadd), but scholars have said that a person who commits a sin should repent to Allah Almighty.

The repentance should be sincere, and the guilty person should perform lots of righteous acts and acts of worship. Furthermore, the person should feel remorse and have no intention of ever committing the sin again.

The repentance will not be accepted if it is done during the throes of death, as Allah Most High says
[And repentance is not for those who go on doing evil deeds, until when death comes to one of them, he says: Surely now I repent; nor (for) those who die while they are unbelievers. ] (An-Nisaa' 4:18)

Regular fasting is another way of suppressing sexual desires, as Allahs Messenger prescribed it for young people who could not afford to get married.

Another way to keep away from zina is by reminding yourself how you would abhor and dislike it for your mother, daughter, sister, brother, and aunt.

This was how Prophet Muhammad explained it to a man who came seeking permission to commit zina. The Prophet told him to remember that Satan watches and waits for you to be distant from your Muslim brethren, then he makes his attack. And so among the things that will deter you from zina is to always be in the company of righteous people who will remind you of Allah Almighty.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said in the hadith collection of Abu Dawud, "Indeed the wolf devours the lone sheep." Remember that saying "no" to someone who invites you to commit zina will secure you a place of shelter under the shade of Allah's throne on the day when there will be no shelter except His.

We ask Allah Most High to protect us from the evil of zina, to accept out righteous actions, and to shower us with His bounties in this life and in the hereafter.

There are many ways that Muslims can protect themselves from zina. Salah (prayer), both obligatory and supererogatory, is one of the strongest defenses against zina. Allah Almighty says
[Recite that which has been revealed to you of the Book and keep up prayer; surely prayer keeps (one) away from indecency and evil, and certainly the remembrance of Allah is the greatest.]

Protection From Committing Zina
A person is convicted of zina by one or more of the following ways:
If the zaani (fornicator or adulterer) makes a confession without going back on his or her word until he or she is subjected to any prescribed punishment. If at some stage the person retracts the confession, he or she must not be subjected to any prescribed punishment.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Investigate your Intended Partner

It is recommended for the man and the woman (or her walee' /wakeel) to investigate about his or her intended partner, making sure that she or he has the required good attributes.

When a person's advice is sought in regard to individuals that are considered for marriage, business partnership, etc, he should provide truthful and honest advice. This advice whould be limited to matters relevant to the affair in question, and should not be exceeded to other areas because that my then count as a prohibited form of backbiting.

Fatimah bint Qays, radhi Allaahu anha, reported that her husband 'Amr bin Hafs, radhi Allaahu anhu, went to a fight in al-Yaman (Yemen) with 'Ali bin Abi Taalib, radhi Allaahu anhu. While he was away, he sent 'Ayyaaash bin Abi Rabee'ah to deliver to her a third and final divorce, and he sent with him a quantity of dates and barley as a present.

She protested to 'Ayyaah and requested more support but he responded, "By Allaah, you do not deserve a support unless you were pregnant." She went complaining to Allaah's Messenger, sall'Allaahu alaihi wa salaam, and he asked her:
"How many times did he divorce you?" She replied, "Three times." He said: "He is right then-- he does not owe you any support (because the marriage was terminal)."

The Prophet, sall'Allaahu alaihi wa salaam, told her to spend her 'iddah in Umm Shareek's house, but then remembered that some of his male companions go into her house. So he said: "Spend you 'iddah in the house of your cousin 'Abdullaah ibn Umm Maktoom's. Indeed, he is a blind man, and when you remove your head-cover, he would not see you. When you complete your 'iddah, inform me."

When she completed her 'iddah, Fatimah went to the Prophet, sall'Allaahu alaihi wa salaam, and told him that both Mu'awiyah bin Abi Sufyaan and Abu Jahm asked for her hand. Allaah's Messenger, sall'Allaahu alaihi wa salaam, said: "As for Abu Jahm, he is harsh with women, and never takes the stick off his shoulder; and as for Mu'aawiyah, he is a poor man without any money. Marry Usaamah bin Zayd."
She disliked that, but the Prophet, sall'Allaahu alaihi wa salaam, repeated,  "Marry Usaamah bin Zayd."
She concluded: "Then I married Usaamah; Allaah put a great deal of good in him, and I was very happy with him."

Monday, May 24, 2010

Help I want to get Married!!!

Help! I want to get married…
(by Muslim-mum)

That’s what you hear from a lot of singletons at the moment. Where do you look for your Mr/Miss Right; Soul-mate; other half…whatever you may want to call them. Let’s face it – getting hitched is a hot topic in cosy front rooms; internet forums and even blogs like this!

It’s no longer the Aunty two doors down from you or your Uncle (who is your related to your grandfather’s mother’s cousin) that is matchmaking.

No, there is a new phenomenon. Guess where matchmaking occurs now? Personal ads, chat rooms, marriage sites and marriage events. These services can offer every age, race, sex, lifestyle and you can virtually special-order Miss Right from an endless spectrum of choices.

It eventually occurs to some people who haven’t a clue where to look, that potential wifey does not know your address or your mum’s phone number and therefore won’t be making any appearance on your doorstep anytime some, (despite your PHD and BMW parked in the driveway).

What’s quite disturbing and I hope you noticed this, is the number of so-called halal-based marriage events and web sites which have been set up since the explosion of the internet.

Every Tom, Dick and Hamzah is jumping on the band wagon hoping to offer their expert nuptual strategy for you to meet your darling “other half” and not forgetting them making a quick buck along the way just so that it keeps them motivated to do "their bit for the Ummah" so to speak.

Moving on to the subject of cost and this is where the real exploitation seems to occur. Ticket prices of events for example, are known to be in the region of £25.00 to a whopping £56.00. For the latter, I would be expecting a Michelin-standard meal in the West End. But no, it’s some naff restaurant off the Wilmslow Road offering a 3 course meal….

Organisers of events and websites (who provide matrimonial services) would argue that they have to cover overhead costs and pay themselves some sort of salary to live on. Let’s be realistic or even SANE, these types of business are a side-line to these people and not necessarily a means of running their household. And if I am wrong, they must be raking it in judging by the number of absolutely desperate people who want to settle down. I guess they would pay anything to meet a muslimah or two.

If muslims really want to help out their own muslim brothers and sisters, these services would be free – using money raised through fundraising or from their own pocket. I know I would!

Who cares about a meal? Why waste time and money…let’s get down to the crux of meeting people. It’s almost like these organisers are out of touch with what people want. Brothers and Sisters, let us remind them – you just want someone to marry. A cuppa tea and hot samosa will suffice.

Lets be frank here – the real focus of their attention is money…

…£, $, € seems to be their distraction.

Oh let’s not forget to give one final re-mention to these marriage websites…might aswell have a good dig at them now we are on a roll here…

Claiming to be halal; success stories being plastered all over their homepages to show how “what a great service we provide,” it dawned me that there are naïve sisters and brothers out there who are being sucked into a nasty world of dating; casual sex; free-mixing and all things un-islamic.

Islam places two responsibilities on to man, (1) as the “individual” and (2) as “group”. In regards to the responsibility of the individual, he takes responsibility for his own self:

"And if Allah wills He would certainly make you a single nation, but He causes to err whom He wills and guides whom He wills; and most certainly you will be questioned as to what you did." (15:93)

"Nay! man is evidence against himself. Though he puts forth his excuses." (75:14-15)

The above verse makes reference to man being responsible before Allah (swt) for his own speech, deeds and behavior. Man will be judged on the Day of Resurrection. Man is responsible for his own actions – did he exploit these to boost himself and his worldly interests. Man has been given intellect and how he has used this intellect – whether misdirected, deceiving others, or using corrupt practices.

For those that are genuine in their search, they face an uphill struggle to find that special one. Where the community; elders and even the Imaams at the masaajids have let them down, there leaves a big gaping hole where scrupulous muslims under the guise of “helping the Ummah”, are ready to plug that hole and tap into a market which is forever growing. (A credit crunch isn’t going to stop people wanting to get married).

According to my calculations, this problem isn’t going to go away any time soon and so I must stress my intent here is to enlighten, not to patronise those who go to great lengths to help our fellow muslim brothers and sisters. Your gallant efforts and unbridled enthusiasm are genuinely appreciated – although you can hear the hint of sarcasm in what I am saying.

On a final note, these singletons have yet to experience the busy suburban housewife and a husband who hates his job syndrome…but then that’s another story.

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Need To Love

The Need to Love Someone, is that Wrong?

Love can mean many different things: It can be a wonderful experience, which touches our deepest emotions.. It is a quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing, and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. Love is content with the present it hopes for the future, and it does not brood over the past.
It's the day-in and day-out chronicle of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals.

If you have loved in your life, it can make up for the many things that you are missing. That is the image of Love that I have in my mind. Does that sound so evil? Is it wrong to wish to have a soulmate, a confidant, a friend, a lover, and a spouse all in one? Someone with whom you share your inner most deepest thoughts? To see someone who truly impresses you in their character, personality and their honesty, and wish you can be with them forever?

Is it wrong to love someone in that way?

Yet when we find enough courage to publicly act on our love by either talking to our parents or the girl's parents, we suddenly get a bitter dose of reality that we were too naïve and idealistic in our intentions. The majority of people seem to think of such ideas as ridiculous and not valid in the real world. Have they forgotten that they themselves have been in the same situation not so long ago?

It is so very sad for me to see that we have to suffer unmarried life due to un-Islamic social factors. We must blame our un-Islamic social customs and materialistic outlook that cause some men and women to remain unmarried.

Many young people or their parents have very (unrealistically) high material expectations for their spouses. They make very difficult standards of education, profession, wealth or physical features. The result is that such people remain unmarried or others do not marry them because they do not meet those standards.

We Muslims must emphasize that best criterion according to Islam is good character, and judge a person on him or her character alone rather than family, social standing etc.

The Prophet -peace be upon him- said, "If someone whose faith and morals you trust makes a proposal of marriage to you then marry him, otherwise there will be trials and much corruption in the land."

As Muslims it is also our duty to help our Muslim brothers and sisters to get married. Allah says in the Quran, "And help to get married those among you who are single or the virtuous ones of your slaves, males or females. If they are in poverty Allah will give them means out of His grace. For Allah encompasses all and knows all things." (Al-Noor 24:32)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Choosing A Good Husband

One of the ways in which Islam has honoured woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her father's wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone she dislikes.

There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa' bint Khidam:

"My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah . He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.' I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.' He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.' I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter's matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).'"2

At first, the Prophet told al-Khansa' to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters' well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.

Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of `Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behaviour, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet said: "Will you give his garden back to him?" - her mahr had been a garden. She said, "Yes." So the Messenger of Allah sent word to him: "Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce."3

According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn `Abbas, she said, "I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behaviour, but I do not like him."

Islam has protected woman's pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not like. There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah, an Ethiopian slave-girl who belonged to `Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to marry another slave whose name was Mughith. She would never have accepted him as a husband if she had been in control of her own affairs. `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) took pity on her, so she bought her and set her free. Then this young woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs, and that she could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce. Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Al-Bukhaari quotes Ibn `Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her marriage to someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet commented on this moving sight, and sought to intervene.

Ibn `Abbas said:

"Barirah's husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him, running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet said to `Abbas, `O `Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how much Barirah hates Mughith?' The Prophet said (to Barirah), `Why do you not go back to him?' She said, `O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me to do so?' He said, `I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.' She said, `I have no need of him.'"4

The Prophet was deeply moved by this display of human emotion: deep and overwhelming love on the part of the husband, and equally powerful hatred on the part of the wife. He could not help but remind the wife, and ask her why she did not go back to him, as he was her husband and the father of her child. This believing woman asked him, whether he was ordering her to do so: was this a command, a binding obligation? The Prophet , this great law-giver and educator, replied that he was merely trying to intercede and bring about reconciliation if possible; he was not trying to force anybody to do something they did not wish to. Let those stubborn, hard-hearted fathers who oppress their own daughters listen to the teaching of the Prophet !

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society:

"If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah anmischief will become widespread on earth."5

Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to stupid "play-boy" types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behaviour is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has said:

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . (Qur'aan 24:26)

This does not mean that the Muslim woman should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is her right - as stated above - to marry a man for whom her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to her both in his appearance and in his conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim woman is never dazzled by outward appearances, and she never lets them distract her from seeing the essence of a potential spouse. The Muslim woman knows that the man has the right of qiwamah over her, as the Qur'aan says:

( Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .) (Qur'aan 4:34)

Hence she wants to marry a man of whose qiwamah over her she will feel proud, one whom she will be happy to marry and never regret it. She wants a man who will take her hand in his and set out to fulfil their life's mission of establishing a Muslim family and raising a new generation of intelligent and caring children, in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will not be impeded by conflicting attitudes or religious differences. Believing men and believing women are supposed to walk side-by-side on the journey of life, which is a serious matter for the believer, so that they may fulfil the great mission with which Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has entrusted mankind, men and women alike, as the Qur'aan says:

( For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise - for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur'aan 33:35)

In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place.

Among the great Muslim women who are known for their strength of character, lofty aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who was one of the first Ansar women to embrace Islam. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar, and bore him a son, Anas. When she embraced Islam, her husband Malik was angry with her, and left her, but she persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his death, and she was still in the flower of her youth. She bore it all with the hope of reward, for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and devoted herself to taking care of her ten-year-old son Anas. She took him to the Prophet , so that he could serve him (and learn from him).

One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best-looking, richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah - before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Yathrib liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu so-and-so." He said, "Of course." She said, "Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of Banu so-and-so?" Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: "O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr), and I would ask you for nothing more."6

He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistance and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by the carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn." Her words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, Does the Lord burn? Then he uttered the words: "Ashhadu an la ilaha ill-Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah."

Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, "O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah." So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized.

Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym's disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, "O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and I will not take any other dowry." She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this world, as she had heard the Prophet say:

"If Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) were to guide one person to Islam through you, it is better for you than owning red camels."7

Such great Muslim women are examples worthy of emulation, from whom Muslim women may learn purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom in choosing a husband.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

A Muslim Girl’s Guide For Dealing With Guys

A Muslim Girl’s Guide For Dealing With Guys (From one Sister To Another)

Life is full of crazy obstacles, but the one that will probably bug you the most and always be getting in the way is the opposite gender. Here, from one sister to another, is a Muslim girl’s guide for how to deal with guys.

1 ) No Touching:- Muslims are forbidden to touch any non-Mahram (Mahram is your dad, brothers, father-in-law, husbands, grandfathers, and the siblings of your parents) person of the opposite gender. That means no patting on the back, no hand shaking, no pushing, no shoving, no holding hands, and obviously no kissing and all that. If you’re in a difficult situation where you think someone will try to shake your hand, the best thing to do is just smile and say, "My people don’t shake hands" and then explain why. And why, is because we believe a woman’s touch is a privilege and she doesn’t just share it with anyone.

2) No Flirting:- Not even with Muslims, not even in an Islamic school, especially not in a masjid! Flirting means that you’re saying or doing things on purpose that make the other person attracted to you. There’s no set criterion for what flirting is, but any girl knows what is and how to do it. Muslim women are supposed to behave better than the average woman, who has to be beautiful for all the men around her all the time, who are trapped behind their looks and only judge themselves to be worthy if half the men they know are in love with them. A wise dude once said, "Don’t start the mower unless you intend to cut the grass". If you don’t want a guy’s advances, then don’t do anything to earn them. There’s no point in throwing yourself all over guys and trying to seduce half the world. You really only want to marry one guy, and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and chances are he isn’t going to be some dork you fluttered your eyelashes at in high school.

3) No Boyfriends:- As a Muslim, you know that having a boyfriend is haraam because it counts as Zina - fornication. Fornication, in easy English, means ‘sexual sin’. Allah expressly forbids romantic or sexual relationships outside of marriage. When people go against that rule, then you get the typical western society where people play sexual merry-go-round with each other, giving each other STDs, using and abusing each other, and destroying the sacredness of marriage as an institution. You can’t even be sort of engaged to a guy, and then "date" to get to know each other. In Islam, non-Mahram men and women aren’t allowed to be alone together (that includes talking on the phone!), to touch (not even shake hands), or even gaze at each other. It doesn’t matter if the guy you like is Muslim, a great guy and the Prince of England, you can’t date him.

4) No Boy—friends:- The easiest way to ensure that you don’t end up falling in love with some guy before you’re ready to get married is to avoid making friends with boys. Of course in school you have to interact with boys all over the place, but that doesn’t mean you should be best buds with them. Probably 90% of relationships begin from friendships. Chances are you’re not ready for marriage, your parents aren’t ready to let you get married, you’re still in school and your crush is not the sort of fellow you want to spend the rest of your life with, so just avoid being friends with him in the first place. It really is the best formula for saving yourself from needless temptation. When you have to talk to boys in school as teammates, lab partners, group members, and peers, it's best to maintain a distance. That means that you don’t confide in them, you don’t let down your guard, you don’t unnecessarily engage them in needless conversation, don’t joke around, and never flirt. Yeah it may be a little hard, but this is your afterlife we’re talking about. So many great sisters have put themselves in really sticky situations because they allowed a boy to get to know them, and either ended up liking the boy, or having the boy like them. once that happens you either end up becoming a pair (which is HARAAM!), or having to end your friendship. Instead of letting it get to that point, and then having to kill a friendship that you probably worked hard on cultivating, you should just stop it before it begins. There are plenty of great girls all around who can be your friends and if you really think only a guy will understand your problem, then talk to your REAL brother, or your father, or an uncle.

5) No Talking on the Phone with Boys:- In Islam its forbidden for non-related guys and girls to be alone together because there is the chance for physical zina, vocal zina, and zina of the eyes. That means, with no one there to watch you guys except that boogery shaitaan, then you might be tempted to actually DO something, or say gross things, or just stare at each other all lustily. With that in mind, it’s also a safe bet to assume that talking on the phone with non-Mahram guys is a no-no too. Why? Because unless you’ve both got it on speaker-phone and you’re chaperoned by a responsible person, then you’re still kind of "alone" with him. The people in your house can’t hear what he’s saying to you, and his family can’t hear what you’re saying to him. There’s a chance for some bad stuff then, so just avoid it. Not to mention, having some dude saying things into your ear that no one else can hear would be gross in real life, why is it okay for him to talk into your ear via the telephone? For the most part it’s just too intimate.

6) Be Disaffected:- What does that mean? Disaffected means un-affect-able. That means that nothing a dude can say can hit your nerves, make you blush, or get a reaction out of you. It also means that you are uninterested in what they do as well. Imagine yourself being in an airplane looking down on the scenery below. You’re a little interested in what’s going on down there, and it may look really nice, but you know that to get to the scenery you have to jump off the plane. Like the scenery miles below you, the guy may look really nice, but you know that to get him you have to jump off the plane ...errr...commit spiritual suicide, and though the fall may be fun, you will eventually hit the ground 600 meters below and go -splat– on Judgment Day. Maybe even sooner. Short of becoming an ice-princess, being disaffected involves putting up a mental wall between you and all of male-kind. They don’t know your thoughts and you don’t care for theirs. You can interact with guys at school within the bounds of Islam, but always maintain a formal distance. Don’t ask a guy how his infected toe is doing. Don’t give him a hug when he looks down. Don’t offer to help him with his homework. Don’t go out of your way to remind him that you exist, and that you’re not half bad looking. Even if you don’t feel like behaving, make yourself behave anyway, your afterlife is important enough to discipline yourself for.

The safest philosophy when dealing with guys is remembering this "He’s not what I want, so why should I do anything to make him interested in me? That’ll just make for a painfully awkward situation and it’s not worth the sin anyhow." Remember that you’re always being watched! Would you act all giggly and stupid with boys if the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) could see you? No, right? Because you’d feel like an ungrateful idiot for disregarding the religion that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) took so much pain for just to deliver to you. Well, imagine how ungrateful it is to act like a supreme idiot when Allah can see you all the time, and it’s really stupid to disregard the religion that Allah prescribed, the favors He’s bestowed upon you. How dumb is it to take the eyes that Allah gave you and do things with them that He told you not to? (like goggle at boys?) How much stupider is it that He can see you doing this, and you know it!

7) You have no secrets:- Not because Big Brother (whoever that is…) is watching you, but because every single thing you ever did will become public domain on the Day of Judgment, and you’ll be brought to trial to defend what you did. Just don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want your parents, your siblings, your teachers, your friends, and the whole world to know about, ok?

Common Questions that Should be Asked Before Marriage

Common Questions that Should be Asked During the Sit-Down Process

This is especially important for the new convert(s) to Islam. It will give them a general idea of the types of questions thatshould be asked, as this process is fairly new to them. Generally the questions that are asked during the sit-down processshould be categorized into six categories:

The First: Academic Questions such as:
1. Did you graduate from high school and if so, what year, which one and what was your GPA (i.e. grade point average)
2. What did you do after graduation?
3. What are your views regarding college and furthering our education?
4. If we have children, how should they be educated (i.e. Public School/ Private School, Islamic or Secular)?
5. What is your view regarding Islamic and secular education?

The Second: Health Questions such as:
1. When was the last time you had a physical check-up?
2. Do you have any physical and/or mental ailments or those which are hereditary? (please be specific!)
3. Do you have any fertility issues? (i.e. irregular menses, thyroid etc.)
4. Have you ever had any miscarriages/stillbirths, Cesarean sections or any other fetal distresses.
5. Are you willing to have an AIDS/Sexually Transmitted Disease (i.e. STD) examination/screening before marriage?
6. Do you have any health care coverage? And in the event of marriage, will your coverage insure me or am I responsible for my own
health insurance?
7. Are you currently taking any medications, if so, what and why? And have you taken any in the past?
8. Have you ever been hospitalized for anything? (i.e. operations that will jeopardize intimacy or any other aspect of the marriage)

The Third: Religious Questions such as:
1. On a scale from one to ten (one being negligent and ten being overly extreme) how would you rate your religiosity?
2. What is your creed (i.e. Aqeedah)?
3. How long have you been a practicing Muslim/Muslimah?
4. How long have you been wearing hijab? Do you wear it to work and if not, will you agree to do so in the event we are to get married?
5. Do you pray all five prayers?
6. Outside of work, do you perform your prayers in congregation in the Masjid (i.e. Mosque)? Of course this question is directed towards
the Muslim man
7. Do you think it is important to attend lessons in the Masjid and if so, how often do you attend them?
8. Do you believe in making sacrifices in order for your wife to increase in her Islamic knowledge (i.e. watching the children, providing
transportation etc.)
9. What, if any, Islamic books have you completed in a class setting? (i.e. Aqeedah Wasitiyah, forty hadeeth, Three Fundemental
Principles etc.)
10. How much of the Qur’an have you memorized? Can you recite Surah Al Fatihah for me?
11. Can you read the Qur’an in Arabic? Can you teach the Qur’an to your wife and children?
12. What do you know about the Islamic rulings regarding menses and post-partum bleeding? Of course this question would be directed
towards the sister.
13. Do you know your rights as a Muslim wife?
14. Do you know you rights as a Muslim man?
15. Do you have any qualms with polygamy? If so what are they and will they affect your decision to marry me?
16. Do you plan on practicing polygamy and if so why and when?
17. Are you privy to the Islamic rulings regarding polygamy?
18. What is Tawheed (i.e. monotheism)?

The Fourth: Familial Questions such as:
1. Do you want children? If so, how many?
2. Do you have any children prior to you accepting Islam or from a previous marriage?
3. What is your idea of Islamic parenting?
4. How would you describe your relationship with your children?
5. How is your relationship with your mother and father or guardian(s)?
6. What are the religious views of your parents and how do they feel about your acceptance of Islam?
7. What is your view on your non-Muslim siblings (i.e. brothers and sisters) spending time with our Muslim children?
8. Who is responsible for the tuition of my children from a previous marriage in the event we decide to put them in an Islamic school?
9. Should I be consulted in the event you want to bring your children from a previous marriage over or to live with us?
10. What is your view regarding physical discipline of the children?
11. Do you use profanity when talking to your children?
12. Do you believe in having leisure time set aside just for your wife and children?
13. What do you know about the Islamic rulings regarding raising children (i.e. children’s Islamic rights: slaughtering, aqeeqah etc.)
14. Will you educate your wife and children in the home and if so how?
15. Will you allow your wife to have leisure time with her friends so as long as they don’t jeopardize her Islamic values and decorum?
16. How long will it be before we start saving for Hajj?
17. Do you have any intentions to relocate (i.e. Hijrah) to an Islamic country?
18. In the event that we marry, do I move into your house or do you move into my house?
19. Are you willing to relocate to another city or state?
20. Are we raising our children to be student of knowledge or professionals (i.e. engineers, doctors etc.)

The Fifth: Financial Questions such as:
1. Do you have any previous debts that will affect the way you provide for me?
2. Do you owe any back payments in child support?
3. Do you have a monthly budget?
4. What are your financial obligations Islamically?
5. Will you be willing to work? This is of course a question directed towards the sister.
6. If I already have a career/job will you stop me from working?
7. Will you request from me to use any of my financial earnings to assist you in your obligations?
8. Is there a portion of our earnings that we will use for sadaqah (i.e. charity0?
9. How often do you go clothes shopping?
10. Describe the type of lifestyle you were accustomed to?
11. Are you a spender or a saver?
12. What are your financial goals both long term and short term?
13. Do you have a job and how long have you been working there?
14. Who is responsible for the miscellaneous bills incurred prior to marriage (i.e. cell phone bill, car insurance, car note etc.)
15. Are you planning on owning your own home?
16. Are we going to start a fund for our children’s college tuition?

The Sixth: Miscellaneous Questions such as:
1. How are we different?
2. Do you think our differences will create problems in our marriage?
3. How do you handle conflict?
4. How will decisions be made?
5. What are your expectations of our sexual relationship?
6. Have you ever been in a serious long term relationship before?
7. How long was your last marriage?
8. What did you learn about yourself during your last marriage?
9. Can you talk openly about everything?
10. Can we pursue our own interests professionally?
11. What do you dislike about yourself?
12. What do you like about yourself and why?
13. Why are we getting married?
14. As a couple what do we want out of life?
15. What is your view on showing affection?
16. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be and why?
17. Is there anything in your past that will affect our future?
18. If you are wrong can you apologize and make amends?
19. Have you ever been incarcerated before if so, for what and for how long?
20. Do you believe in being violent when you get angry?

"Do Muslims date?"

The most common questions I get from young people are, "Do Muslims date?" and "If they don't date, how do they decide whom to marry?"

"Dating" as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims -- where a young man and woman (or boy/girl) are in a one-on-one intimate relationship, spending time together alone, "getting to know each other" in a very deep way before deciding whether that's the person they will marry. Rather, in Islam pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex are forbidden.

The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.

So in today's world, how do young people manage? First of all, Muslim youth develop very close friendships with their same-sex peers. This "sisterhood" or "brotherhood" that develops when they are young continues throughout their lives. When a young person decides to get married, the following steps often take place:

Young person makes du'a (prayer) for Allah to help him or her find the right person.

The family enquires, discusses, and suggests candidates. They consult with each other to narrow down potential prospects. Usually the father or mother approaches the other family to suggest a meeting.

Couple agrees to meet in chaperoned, group environment. Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram)." (Bukhari/Muslim). The Prophet (peace be upon him) also reportedly said,
"Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan (Shaytan) is the third among them." (Tirmidhi). When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an (24:30-31) to "lower their gaze and guard their modesty...." Islam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, so this rule provides safeguards for our own sake.

Family investigates candidate further - talking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc. to learn about his or her character.

Couple prays salat-l-istikhara (prayer for guidance) to seek Allah's help in making a decision.

Couple agrees to pursue marriage or part ways. Islam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want.
This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why these marriages often prove successful.

By Huda Dodge, Islam guide

Pointers on Choosing Marriage Partners

Pointers on Choosing Marriage Partners
By Rabi'ah Hakeem

In light of the experience of the past years, it is time to take stock
and try to halt the ever-mounting tide of divorces among Muslims. It
is not unusual today to find Muslim women (and even an occasional
Muslim man) who, by the time they are 30 or 35, have been married
three or four times, their children suffering again and again through
the trauma of fatherless and broken homes. Accordingly, we may list a
few essential points to be considered by both brothers and sisters in
the process of choosing a partner in life (although the masculine
pronoun has been used throughout for the sake of simplicity, the
following is generally equally applicable to both men and women).

  • 1. Du'a.
Unceasingly ask help and guidance from Allah, Most High, in
the matter of finding and choosing a mate. As often as you feel it
necessary, pray Salaah al-Istikhara, Islam's special prayer for
guidance, in order to reach a suitable decision.

  • 2. Consult your heart.
 Listen to what your inner voice, the 'radar' which Allah has given
you to guide you, tells you about the prospective partner.
It is likely to be more correct than your mind,
which often plays tricks and can rationalise almost any- thing. For
many people, first impressions are often the most accurate.

  • 3. Enquire.
Find out the reason why this man wants to marry you. Is he
interested in you as an individual or will just any person do? Why is
he not doing the logical thing, that is, to marry someone from his
culture? If there is evidence that the primary reason for this
marriage, despite claims to the contrary, is for convenience
(greencard, money, property, etc.), forget it. This spells trouble.

  • 4. Get to know your prospective partner,
within the limits of what is permissible in Islam, before deciding on marriage.
Just ' seeing' someone once or twice in the company of others, who may be anxious for
this marriage to take place, is simply not enough under today's
conditions, where two per- sons of totally dis-similar backgrounds are
meeting each other without the safeguards of families. Without
violating Islam's prohibition about being alone, try to understand his
nature, what makes him tick, his temperament, what he might be like to
live with.

  • 5. Talk to several people who know your prospective partner,
not just one, or have someone whom you can trust do this for you. Ask about him
from various people, not just from his friends because they may
conceal facts to do him a favour. And ask not only about his
background, career, Islamicity, etc., but about such crucial matters
as whether he gets angry easily; what he does when he is 'mad';
whether he is patient, polite, considerate; how he gets along with
people; how he relates to the opposite sex; what sort of relationship
he has with his mother and father; whether he is fond of children;
what his personal habits are, etc. And find out about his plans for
the future from people who know him. Do they coincide with what he has
told you? Go into as much detail as possible. Check out his plans for
the future - where you will live and what your lifestyle will be, his
attitudes toward money and possessions and the like. If you can't get
answers to such crucial questions from people who know him, ask him
yourself and try to make sure he is not just saying what he knows you
want to hear. Too many people will make all kinds of promises before
marriages in order to secure the partner they want but afterwards
forget that they ever made them, (this naturally applies equally to
women as to men).

  • 6. Find out about his family,
his relations with his parents, brothers and sisters.
What will his obligations be to them in the future? How
will this affect where and under what conditions you will live? What
are the character and temperament of each of his parents? Will they
live with you or you with them? And are they pleased with his
prospective marriage to you or not? Although it may not be the case in
most Western marriages, among Muslims such issues are often crucial to
the success or failure of a marriage, and answers to these questions
need to be satisfactory to ensure a peaceful married life.

  • 7. Understand each other's expectations.
Try to get a sense of your prospective partner's
under- standing of the marriage relationship,
how he will behave in various situations, and what he wants of you as
his spouse. These are issues which should be discussed clearly and
unambiguously as the negotiations progress, not left to become sources
of disharmony after the marriage because they were never brought up
beforehand. If you are too shy to ask certain questions, have a person
you trust do it for you. At an advanced stage of the negotiations,
such a discussion should include such matters as birth control, when
children are to be expected, how they are to be raised, how he feels
about helping with housework and with the children's upbringing,
whether or not you may go to school or work, relations with his family
and yours, and other vital issues.

  • 8. See him interacting with others in various situations.
The more varied conditions under which you are able to observe your prospective
partner, the more clues you will have as to his mode of dealing with
people and circumstances.

  • 9. Find out what his understanding of Islam is
and whether it is compatible with your own.
This is a very important matter.
Is he expecting you to do many things which you have not done up to this
point? If he emphasises " Haraams", especially if you are a new
Muslimah, and seems unable to tolerate your viewpoint, chances are
your marriage will be in trouble unless you are flexible enough to
accommodate yourself to his point of view and possibly a very
restrictive lifestyle. Let him spell out to you clearly how he intends
to practise Islam and how he wants you to practise it as his wife so
there will be no misunderstandings later.

  • 10. Don't be in a hurry.
 So many marriages have broken because the
partners are in such haste that they don't take time to make such
vital checks as the ones outlined above and rush into things. Shocking
as it may seem, marriages between Muslims which are contracted and
then broken within a week or a month or a year have become common
place occurrences among us. Don't add yourself to the list of
marriage casualties because you couldn't take time or were too
desperate for marriage to find out about or get to know the person
with whom you plan to spend the rest of your life.

  • 11. Ask yourself,
Do I want this man/woman to be the father/mother of
my children? If it doesn't feel just right to you, think it over
again. Remember, marriage is not just for today or tomorrow but for
life, and for the primary purpose of building a family. If the person
in question doesn't seem like the sort who would make a good parent,
you are likely to find yourself struggling to raise your children
without any help from him or her - or even with negative input - in
the future.

  • 12. Never allow yourself to be pressured or talked into a marriage.
Your heart must feel good about it, not someone else's. Again,
allegations of "Islamicity" - he is pious, has a beard, frequents the
Masjid, knows about Islam; she wears Hijab, does not talk to men- are
not necessarily guarantees of a good partner for you or of a good
marriage, but are only a part of a total picture. If an individual
practises the Sunnah only in relation to worship or externals, chances
are he /she has not really understood and is not really living Islam.
Possessing the affection and Rahmah (mercy) which Islam enjoins
between marriage partners is vital for a successful relationship, and
these are the important traits to be looked for in a prospective

  • 13. Never consent to engaging in a marriage for a fixed period or in
exchange for a sum of money. (Mut'a marriage). Such marriages are
expressly forbidden in Islam and entering into them is a sinful act,
as marriage must be entered into with a clear intention of it being
permanent, for life, not for a limited and fixed duration.

If these guidelines are followed, Insha' Allah the chances of making a
mistake which may mar the remainder of your life may be minimised.

Choosing a marriage partner is a most serious matter, perhaps the most
serious decision you will ever make in your life since your partner
can cause you either to be successful or to fail miserably, in the
tests of this life and, consequently, in the Here- after. This
decision needs to be made with utmost care and caution, repeatedly
seeking guidance from your Lord.

If everything checks out favourable, well and good, best wishes for
happiness together here and in the Hereafter. If not, better drop the
matter and wait. Allah your Lord knows all about you, His servant, and
has planned your destiny and your partner for you. Be sure that He
will bring you together when the time is right. As the Qur'an enjoins,
you must be patient until He opens a way for you, and for your part
you should actively explore various marriage leads and possibilities.

Two words addressed to brothers arc In order here. If you are marrying
or have married a recent convert to Islam, you must be very patient
and supportive with her. Remember, Islam is new to her, and chances
are that she will not be able to take on the whole of the Shari'ah at
once - nor does Islam require this, if you look at the history of
early Islam. In your wife 's efforts to conform herself to her new
faith and culture, she needs time and a great deal of support, love,
help and understanding from you, free of interference from outsiders.
It is best to let her make changes at her own speed when her inner
being is ready for them rather than demanding that she do this or
that, even if it means that some time will elapse before she is ready
to follow certain Islamic injunctions. If the changes come from within
herself, they are likely to be sincere and permanent; otherwise, if
she makes changes because of pressure from you or from others, she may
always be unhappy with the situation and may look for ways out of it.
You can help her by being consistent in your own behaviour. So many
Muslims apply those parts of the Qur'an or Sunnah which suit them and
abandon the rest, with resulting confusion in the minds of their wives
and children. Thus, while firmly keeping the reins in your hands, you
should look at your own faults, not hers, and be proud and happy with
the efforts she is making. Make allowances, be considerate, and show
your appreciation of the difficult task she is carrying out by every
possible means. This will cause her to love and respect you, your
culture, and Islam to grow infinitely faster than a harsh, dominating,
forceful approach ever could.

Finally, a word of warning. Certain situations have occurred in which
women, posing as Muslims (or perhaps actually having made Shahaadah),
have deceived and made fools of numbers of Muslim men. Such women may
be extremely cunning and devious, operating as poor, lonely
individuals in need of help and/or husbands. The brothers who fall
into this net may be shown false photos, given false information or
promises, cheated in all sorts of ways, and finally robbed of anything
the conniving lady can manage to take from them. As was said, it is
wise to check out any prospective partner with local Muslims who know

Keep your eyes open and take your time. Since marriage is for life,
for eternity, hurrying into it for any reason whatsoever is the act of
a foolish or careless person who has only himself or herself to blame
if things go wrong.

Advice to Sisters Before Marriage

So constantly remaining in the obedience of Allaah is a means of purification anda safeguard from every evil, just as Allaah protected His messenger Yusuf, alayhi salam, from falling into illegal sexual activity in one of the most difficult and compromising situations. Likewise Allaah has made connecting with Him a protection from all evil. Allaah said in reference to the slave's connection with his Lord with As-Salat (the prayer):

"... and perform As-Salat (the prayer). Verily As-Salat (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahsha (ie, great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al-Munkar (ie disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of every wicked deed)..."
[Al Ankaboot:45]

So rectify your relationship with your Lord, and He will make your husband upright, as He has done with the spouses of the best of His chosen ones.

Allaah, the Most High, says about Zakariya, alayhi salam, :

"So We answered his call and We bestowed upon him Yahya (John), and cured his wife (to bear children) for him. Verily they used to hasten on to do good deeds, and they used to call on Us with hope and fear, and used to humble themselves before Us."

The Purpose of Marriage

As a meaningful institution, marriage has two main purposes:

To ensure preservation of the human species and continuation of the human race,

"O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them has spread abroad a multitude of men and women" (Quran: 4:1)

To provide spiritual and legal foundation of the family

"And of His signs is this: He created for you mates from yourself that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, therein indeed are portents for folk who reflect". (Quran 30:21)

Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.

"Your women are a tilth for you so go to your tilth as you will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad)." (Quran 2:223)

Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor (sakinah). It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established