Monday, May 24, 2010

Help I want to get Married!!!

Help! I want to get married…
(by Muslim-mum)

That’s what you hear from a lot of singletons at the moment. Where do you look for your Mr/Miss Right; Soul-mate; other half…whatever you may want to call them. Let’s face it – getting hitched is a hot topic in cosy front rooms; internet forums and even blogs like this!

It’s no longer the Aunty two doors down from you or your Uncle (who is your related to your grandfather’s mother’s cousin) that is matchmaking.

No, there is a new phenomenon. Guess where matchmaking occurs now? Personal ads, chat rooms, marriage sites and marriage events. These services can offer every age, race, sex, lifestyle and you can virtually special-order Miss Right from an endless spectrum of choices.

It eventually occurs to some people who haven’t a clue where to look, that potential wifey does not know your address or your mum’s phone number and therefore won’t be making any appearance on your doorstep anytime some, (despite your PHD and BMW parked in the driveway).

What’s quite disturbing and I hope you noticed this, is the number of so-called halal-based marriage events and web sites which have been set up since the explosion of the internet.

Every Tom, Dick and Hamzah is jumping on the band wagon hoping to offer their expert nuptual strategy for you to meet your darling “other half” and not forgetting them making a quick buck along the way just so that it keeps them motivated to do "their bit for the Ummah" so to speak.

Moving on to the subject of cost and this is where the real exploitation seems to occur. Ticket prices of events for example, are known to be in the region of £25.00 to a whopping £56.00. For the latter, I would be expecting a Michelin-standard meal in the West End. But no, it’s some naff restaurant off the Wilmslow Road offering a 3 course meal….

Organisers of events and websites (who provide matrimonial services) would argue that they have to cover overhead costs and pay themselves some sort of salary to live on. Let’s be realistic or even SANE, these types of business are a side-line to these people and not necessarily a means of running their household. And if I am wrong, they must be raking it in judging by the number of absolutely desperate people who want to settle down. I guess they would pay anything to meet a muslimah or two.

If muslims really want to help out their own muslim brothers and sisters, these services would be free – using money raised through fundraising or from their own pocket. I know I would!

Who cares about a meal? Why waste time and money…let’s get down to the crux of meeting people. It’s almost like these organisers are out of touch with what people want. Brothers and Sisters, let us remind them – you just want someone to marry. A cuppa tea and hot samosa will suffice.

Lets be frank here – the real focus of their attention is money…

…£, $, € seems to be their distraction.

Oh let’s not forget to give one final re-mention to these marriage websites…might aswell have a good dig at them now we are on a roll here…

Claiming to be halal; success stories being plastered all over their homepages to show how “what a great service we provide,” it dawned me that there are naïve sisters and brothers out there who are being sucked into a nasty world of dating; casual sex; free-mixing and all things un-islamic.

Islam places two responsibilities on to man, (1) as the “individual” and (2) as “group”. In regards to the responsibility of the individual, he takes responsibility for his own self:

"And if Allah wills He would certainly make you a single nation, but He causes to err whom He wills and guides whom He wills; and most certainly you will be questioned as to what you did." (15:93)

"Nay! man is evidence against himself. Though he puts forth his excuses." (75:14-15)

The above verse makes reference to man being responsible before Allah (swt) for his own speech, deeds and behavior. Man will be judged on the Day of Resurrection. Man is responsible for his own actions – did he exploit these to boost himself and his worldly interests. Man has been given intellect and how he has used this intellect – whether misdirected, deceiving others, or using corrupt practices.

For those that are genuine in their search, they face an uphill struggle to find that special one. Where the community; elders and even the Imaams at the masaajids have let them down, there leaves a big gaping hole where scrupulous muslims under the guise of “helping the Ummah”, are ready to plug that hole and tap into a market which is forever growing. (A credit crunch isn’t going to stop people wanting to get married).

According to my calculations, this problem isn’t going to go away any time soon and so I must stress my intent here is to enlighten, not to patronise those who go to great lengths to help our fellow muslim brothers and sisters. Your gallant efforts and unbridled enthusiasm are genuinely appreciated – although you can hear the hint of sarcasm in what I am saying.

On a final note, these singletons have yet to experience the busy suburban housewife and a husband who hates his job syndrome…but then that’s another story.

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