Sunday, May 9, 2010

Common Questions that Should be Asked Before Marriage

Common Questions that Should be Asked During the Sit-Down Process

This is especially important for the new convert(s) to Islam. It will give them a general idea of the types of questions thatshould be asked, as this process is fairly new to them. Generally the questions that are asked during the sit-down processshould be categorized into six categories:

The First: Academic Questions such as:
1. Did you graduate from high school and if so, what year, which one and what was your GPA (i.e. grade point average)
2. What did you do after graduation?
3. What are your views regarding college and furthering our education?
4. If we have children, how should they be educated (i.e. Public School/ Private School, Islamic or Secular)?
5. What is your view regarding Islamic and secular education?

The Second: Health Questions such as:
1. When was the last time you had a physical check-up?
2. Do you have any physical and/or mental ailments or those which are hereditary? (please be specific!)
3. Do you have any fertility issues? (i.e. irregular menses, thyroid etc.)
4. Have you ever had any miscarriages/stillbirths, Cesarean sections or any other fetal distresses.
5. Are you willing to have an AIDS/Sexually Transmitted Disease (i.e. STD) examination/screening before marriage?
6. Do you have any health care coverage? And in the event of marriage, will your coverage insure me or am I responsible for my own
health insurance?
7. Are you currently taking any medications, if so, what and why? And have you taken any in the past?
8. Have you ever been hospitalized for anything? (i.e. operations that will jeopardize intimacy or any other aspect of the marriage)

The Third: Religious Questions such as:
1. On a scale from one to ten (one being negligent and ten being overly extreme) how would you rate your religiosity?
2. What is your creed (i.e. Aqeedah)?
3. How long have you been a practicing Muslim/Muslimah?
4. How long have you been wearing hijab? Do you wear it to work and if not, will you agree to do so in the event we are to get married?
5. Do you pray all five prayers?
6. Outside of work, do you perform your prayers in congregation in the Masjid (i.e. Mosque)? Of course this question is directed towards
the Muslim man
7. Do you think it is important to attend lessons in the Masjid and if so, how often do you attend them?
8. Do you believe in making sacrifices in order for your wife to increase in her Islamic knowledge (i.e. watching the children, providing
transportation etc.)
9. What, if any, Islamic books have you completed in a class setting? (i.e. Aqeedah Wasitiyah, forty hadeeth, Three Fundemental
Principles etc.)
10. How much of the Qur’an have you memorized? Can you recite Surah Al Fatihah for me?
11. Can you read the Qur’an in Arabic? Can you teach the Qur’an to your wife and children?
12. What do you know about the Islamic rulings regarding menses and post-partum bleeding? Of course this question would be directed
towards the sister.
13. Do you know your rights as a Muslim wife?
14. Do you know you rights as a Muslim man?
15. Do you have any qualms with polygamy? If so what are they and will they affect your decision to marry me?
16. Do you plan on practicing polygamy and if so why and when?
17. Are you privy to the Islamic rulings regarding polygamy?
18. What is Tawheed (i.e. monotheism)?

The Fourth: Familial Questions such as:
1. Do you want children? If so, how many?
2. Do you have any children prior to you accepting Islam or from a previous marriage?
3. What is your idea of Islamic parenting?
4. How would you describe your relationship with your children?
5. How is your relationship with your mother and father or guardian(s)?
6. What are the religious views of your parents and how do they feel about your acceptance of Islam?
7. What is your view on your non-Muslim siblings (i.e. brothers and sisters) spending time with our Muslim children?
8. Who is responsible for the tuition of my children from a previous marriage in the event we decide to put them in an Islamic school?
9. Should I be consulted in the event you want to bring your children from a previous marriage over or to live with us?
10. What is your view regarding physical discipline of the children?
11. Do you use profanity when talking to your children?
12. Do you believe in having leisure time set aside just for your wife and children?
13. What do you know about the Islamic rulings regarding raising children (i.e. children’s Islamic rights: slaughtering, aqeeqah etc.)
14. Will you educate your wife and children in the home and if so how?
15. Will you allow your wife to have leisure time with her friends so as long as they don’t jeopardize her Islamic values and decorum?
16. How long will it be before we start saving for Hajj?
17. Do you have any intentions to relocate (i.e. Hijrah) to an Islamic country?
18. In the event that we marry, do I move into your house or do you move into my house?
19. Are you willing to relocate to another city or state?
20. Are we raising our children to be student of knowledge or professionals (i.e. engineers, doctors etc.)

The Fifth: Financial Questions such as:
1. Do you have any previous debts that will affect the way you provide for me?
2. Do you owe any back payments in child support?
3. Do you have a monthly budget?
4. What are your financial obligations Islamically?
5. Will you be willing to work? This is of course a question directed towards the sister.
6. If I already have a career/job will you stop me from working?
7. Will you request from me to use any of my financial earnings to assist you in your obligations?
8. Is there a portion of our earnings that we will use for sadaqah (i.e. charity0?
9. How often do you go clothes shopping?
10. Describe the type of lifestyle you were accustomed to?
11. Are you a spender or a saver?
12. What are your financial goals both long term and short term?
13. Do you have a job and how long have you been working there?
14. Who is responsible for the miscellaneous bills incurred prior to marriage (i.e. cell phone bill, car insurance, car note etc.)
15. Are you planning on owning your own home?
16. Are we going to start a fund for our children’s college tuition?

The Sixth: Miscellaneous Questions such as:
1. How are we different?
2. Do you think our differences will create problems in our marriage?
3. How do you handle conflict?
4. How will decisions be made?
5. What are your expectations of our sexual relationship?
6. Have you ever been in a serious long term relationship before?
7. How long was your last marriage?
8. What did you learn about yourself during your last marriage?
9. Can you talk openly about everything?
10. Can we pursue our own interests professionally?
11. What do you dislike about yourself?
12. What do you like about yourself and why?
13. Why are we getting married?
14. As a couple what do we want out of life?
15. What is your view on showing affection?
16. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be and why?
17. Is there anything in your past that will affect our future?
18. If you are wrong can you apologize and make amends?
19. Have you ever been incarcerated before if so, for what and for how long?
20. Do you believe in being violent when you get angry?

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